Speak Now
by x-backtoblack-x
Summary: What happens when the priest says speak now and the silence you were expecting is the worst sound you've ever heard? When is it time to create your own destiny, even if it is the worst possible time. When is it time for Beca to speak up for the one person she really loves. Beca/Chloe.


_I am not the kind of girl  
Who should be rudely barging in  
On a white veil occasion  
But you are not the kind of girl  
Who should be marrying the wrong boy…_

"If anyone here present knows of a reason why these two people should not or cannot be lawfully married speak now, or forever hold your peace."

Beca waited, heart hammering so hard against her rib cage she was sure it would fall out onto the floor and spill blood down the front of her brilliantly white dress. There was something wrong with the silence that prevailed in the room, something that lay wrong with her and caused her eyes to dart around beneath the veil that worked as a thin barrier between her and her husband to be.

Everyone she looked at though was smiling. Happy to see the pair get married, even if they'd only been together a year. It had been a rush decision really, not because of pregnancy or anything like that, but on their six month anniversary in front of a restaurant full of people and only half ways through her second year at college Jesse had gotten down on one knee and proposed, just like that.

It wasn't really the kind of thing she could say no to, though it had felt wrong saying yes. The claps and whistles of the people around them had felt wrong, getting pulled into her new fiancé's arms and kissing had felt wrong, her tears had even felt like the wrong kind of tears but she didn't say a word, she merely smiled and showed off the ring on her finger, which of course had felt out of place.

She could live with this feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could even live with Jesse's insistence that they be married before the end of the year, what she couldn't live with though was that from the second she had shown off her ring to her fellow Bella's – or more Aubrey had spotted it at a dinner the original Bella's had once a month, shrieked and proceeded to show the entire restaurant what had caught her attention – Chloe had never spoken to her again.

Not a complete silence, because they still partook in mutual conversations with their fellow Bella's, laughing when the other said something funny, or nodding when the other made a valid point in conversation, but from that day on there was no direct conversation between them, none at all. The texts that used to fly between them a hundred times a day went dead, their own lunch dates two or three times a week evaporated into thin air and even the notion of either one of them turning up at the others door with a take away and a movie became laughable.

That's why, as Beca stood in the silent church, she caught Chloe's eye above all the other eyes in the room. Sitting next to Aubrey instead of behind her with Beca's other bridesmaids – Amy and Stacie – she was the only person in the room who's smile didn't reach her eyes. In fact if anything her toothy grin only highlighted how empty her eyes seemed to be, as if there was something inside them that had died.

The only way Beca could describe what she felt in that moment was like the thing they describe in movies, when you're about to die how your whole life flashes before you. This was the same, only instead of death she was faced with a life with Jesse as her husband, and instead of her whole life, it was every memory she'd ever shared with Chloe.

The day in the shower, the first time they'd walked home after Bella's practice together, the first time she'd explained what each of her tattoo's meant, the first time she'd let her listen to her mix's, the first time Chloe had showed up at her door with pizza and a Sex And The City box set, the first time Beca had returned the favour by showing up at Chloe's door with curries and the Friends box set, the first time they'd been half ways through a DVD and she'd felt Chloe's head lay down on her shoulder and an arm drape around her midsection, the first time she'd woken up after a DVD night to find herself resting against Chloe's chest completely tucked into her side with the other girls fingers brushing knots out of her hair, the first time they'd had "a moment" after a hug and the desire Beca had felt in her chest just for that second. Every first time they'd ever had right up until the first time she'd woken up without a good morning text and the first Movie Marathon Monday she'd spent curled up on her own in her dusty little dorm room rather than curled into Chloe's side.

"Wait." She found herself whispering before her brain had a chance to catch up with her mouth. "Wait please." She repeated firmer this time, looking anywhere but at Jesse, though she could feel his stare on her face.

"Pardon me Miss Mitchell?" The priest questioned quietly, probably never have being faced with this kind of situation before. "Is there, um… something you'd like to say?" He asked carefully.

"No there's not." Jesse answered for her. "She's only joking… she jokes like that." He informed the priest, hoping to prompt him into continuing; hoping that what he said was true.

"No…" Beca whispered again, her tiny voice still carrying through the silent hall. "No Jesse I'm sorry." She cried, tears pooling in her eyes and falling gracefully down her cheeks taking a streak of not so waterproof mascara with them. "I'm so, so sorry." She repeated; touching the forearm of the man she was so sure she had loved ever so lightly.

"Then it's okay, I forgive you Beca, I forgive you." He cried, his tears not being as poetic as they rolled down his face and he wiped them off furiously. "Let's just finish our vows and we can talk later, please… I love you." He told her, the pleading and vulnerability in his voice tearing Beca apart.

"I don't love you though…" Beca whispered, feeling smaller now than she ever had before in her life as the silence in the room became deafening. "And I wish I'd figured this out six months ago, or a year ago, but I didn't… I figured it out now, and I'm so sorry I'm hurting you like this because I do care for you, I really do, but I'm just not in love with you." She explained; her voice cracking and straining as she struggled through her confession.

"Why though?" He challenged, his voice sounding like nothing she'd ever heard from him before, so small and hollow, like even if he got the answer it wouldn't change anything anymore. "You owe me the why." He added, and he was right, as much as she didn't want to tell him, she did owe him and every other stunned face in the crowd the why.

"I realized because… Because I was hoping someone would stand and give a reason we shouldn't marry." Beca sniffled, forcing herself to make eye contact, knowing it was the least he deserved.

"Not just anyone though, right?" Jesse prompted then, not being content with her answer.

"No… not just anyone." Beca agreed, glancing down in shame. "I was hoping that the person whose fault it is I can't give my heart over to you would stand up and give me a reason not to." She told him, eyes still trained firmly on the ground.

"Say their name." Jesse demanded, not sounding angry, more like he simply needed her to clarify it to make the moment real. "Say _her_ name Beca." He told her again, this time his use of personal pronoun shocking the congregation and Beca, her head darting up to catch his eye again.

"You knew?" She whispered, her tears drying in shock.

"Of course I knew." Jesse almost laughed, though the sound came out twisted from the pain. "I saw the way you looked at her, the way touched her, I heard the way you talked about her… why do you think I proposed so soon? Why do you think I insisted we marry when we're not even able to live together yet because you're still in school? Beca I knew she had your heart even before you knew it yourself, the only problem was that you had mine, so I decided to be selfish, to attempt a self-preservation or sorts, marry you before she could steal you away from me." He confessed.

"I would never have hurt you like that Jesse…" Beca tried to reason, her words falling short when she failed to find the will to continue.

"Yet here we are on our wedding day… a church full of people watching you finally get in tune with yourself." He reminded her with a half-smile that done little to warm the cold in his eyes. "So I just need you to say her name Beca, because I'm not mad, and I'm done fighting… I just need to be freed, so I need you to say the name."

There was a long hard silence then. Beca could feel the eyes of the masses on her, she could see them subconsciously lean forward in their seats and though she knew now should be a time to keep her eyes on Jesse, because this was her confession to him after all, she couldn't help but let her eyes flicker down to her face, her mouth just as rounded in shock as anyone elses.

"Chloe…" Beca found herself saying to the girl in the crowd rather than to Jesse, her mouth for the second time having spoken before her brain caught up. "It's Chloe." She repeated again, this time looking back at the man on the alter beside her.

There was uproar of whispers in the crowed then, and if Beca had thought the silence was deafening this was worse. In a midst of it she saw the redhead stand, tears streaming down her face, and walk as quickly and as gracefully as she could manage out the door, never once looking back at Beca or the ogling of the crowd.

"I never wanted to oppress you Beca." Jesse admitted once the room had reached a near silence again. "I never meant for this to happen."

"I know." Beca said, because somehow she believed him, believed that although what he did was foolish, he'd only ever wanted to be with her and for them to be happy. "You're a good man Jesse. It's why I said yes." She told him truthfully.

"You should go after her you know." He told her then, motioning towards the door. "Of all the things I want you to take from this relationship it's that if you don't live your life like corny eighty's films then you're not really living it." He joked.

"Are you going to be okay?" Beca asked instead, knowing that right now it was more important to make sure she'd done no lasting damage, even though every fibre of her being was screaming at her to run out that door.

"We'll always have Paris." He told her quietly, the Casablanca reference being enough to evoke the tiniest of smiles in Beca before she turned on her heel, hitched up her dress and sprinted down the aisle, ignoring the gasps and protests in the crowed, even ignoring the shouts and cheers from Amy, Stacie and Cynthia Rose and what she could have sworn as she dashed past was a proud smile from Aubrey.

She found her in the car park, leaning against the door of her car, a light autumn rain falling as she stood hugging herself tight, body shaking as the convulsions of tears overtook her, creating a sight that tore Beca apart to know she'd caused.

"I really messed up this time… didn't I?" The brunette whispered once she'd reached the redhead, standing as close to her as she could without being in arms reach.

"You have no idea." Chloe spat back; an anger in her voice that shocked Beca. "I loved you so much. I still do love you, yet you chose him. You chose him and then on your wedding day, on your goddamn wedding day you realize you made a mistake, you realized you loved me instead." She shouted, voice hoarse from crying. "You don't even get it do you? How many nights I cried, how many times I'd written out texts asking you to come over and hang out that I couldn't bring myself to send because being around you after he… after you got engaged, well it just hurt. It hurt so much Beca and you just stood up there today and said my name like it'd make everything better again." She cried, sinking into the frame of her car, letting it support her.

"I didn't think saying your name would make anything better Chloe. How could I?" Beca snapped back, feeling suddenly angry that the other girl hadn't simply fallen into her arms. "I stood up there in front of my family and friends, and Jesse's family and friends and I jilted him. I threw him to one side like he was some piece of meat and I was done with it, I broke his heart up there. How could that be easy?" She demanded to know, though she didn't pause for a second to hear what Chloe may or may not have to say. "In fact the only thing in my life that's been more difficult than that is having to spend the last six months without you in my life, and having to face the reality that if I'd said "I do" up there today I would have had to spend the rest of my life without you in it." She confessed, tears starting again, though she tried not to let herself actually imagine what that would be like.

"You really think I could have stayed away from you forever?" Chloe questioned; her voice small and hoarse now, from a combination of screaming and emotional exhaustion.

"You really think I was willing to take that risk?" Beca fired back, her voice lowering just as much, her eyes growing sympathetic. "Chloe, I don't know why I said yes when he proposed, and I don't think I ever will, but what I do know for sure is that it never felt right. The idea of being his wife was never right, I never really believed it. I never really wanted to believe it. It was just like there was something that wasn't there that should have been, like a piece of the puzzle that Jesse didn't have, and even though the puzzle still fit together pretty okay and we were able to muddle through it wasn't right."

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm the other half of your puzzle Beca Mitchell?" Chloe whispered, standing up straight again, a smile tugging at her lips.

"I think I am yea…" Beca laughed quietly, finally taking a step closer. "You're my missing puzzle piece Chloe Beale. You're the only one that can make me sing on command, the only one that can make me smile when I'm hurting and the only one whose hands fit perfectly with mine." She told her, entwining their fingers when she spoke and letting them rest by their sides.

There was no "you may now kiss the bride" needed for the next part. Their lips just kind of fell together like they were never meant to be apart, Chloe's head falling slightly to reach Beca's smile as Beca stood up taller to do the same. Their lips first dance was perfect, they glided and they slid and as the thin mist of rain fell and soaked through the girls dresses and caused their hair to stick to their faces their dance continued oblivious, their hands untangling to explore one another's bodies, their tongues swirling softly and with a purpose, sliding off lips and teeth never quite stopping on their long desired exploration.

It felt like an eternity, but when they finally broke apart and let their foreheads lie together the rain was still falling and their smiles were still in place.

"I love you Beca Mitchell." Chloe whispered; her arms wrapped around the petite girls waist with Becas hands sitting around her neck.

"I love you too Chloe Beale." Beca replied without hesitation, the words for the first time feeling like they belonged as they passed her lips.

… _Baby, I didn't say my vows  
So glad you were around when they said  
Speak Now._


End file.
